Mind Games
by alwaysxsaidsnape
Summary: Draco is teaching Hermione occlumency, but it's not going very well. Old rivalries come to the surface along with a new admission. Hermione doesn't know whether to believe him or not. Is Draco willing to let her in?


**This is an entry for a Dramione Contest.**  
**It is complete and won't be furthered.**  
**I hope you like it. :D**

"You're doing it _wrong!_" Draco shouted as he slammed his hands down on the desk that was between him and Hermione.

"If you would stop _shouting_ at me perhaps I could get it right!" Hermione shouted back to him, red in the face from both embarrassment at what he just saw and anger at him shouting at her yet again.

It wasn't like she enjoyed Draco Malfoy sifting through her thoughts and her memories. He had just seen her first kiss played out before him like a picture reel.

She had been six years old when it happened. It had been a rainy day and she was hiding under a slide so to keep herself from getting soaked to the bone. Shivering from the chill in the air and the cold rain drops that managed to reach her in her sanctuary, she was sharing the small space with a boy that had been her friend. His name was Carl, he was blond and had large blue eyes that were probably his most expressive feature. It was easy to tell she had a crush on him, a little girl thing that made her giggle when he was next to her like he was then.

The kiss was gentle, but quick and it had been just an experiment on his part but got little Hermione to blush. In fact, she was left stunned beneath the slide in the pouring rain as he ran away laughing maniacally. Just when she started to chase after him, Draco had pulled out of her mind and here they were.

Hermione was breathing harshly and her head was swimming as if he had penetrated every inch and mucked everything up. It took all her willpower to keep her from looking up at him and glaring, he was enjoying this whether he was saying it out loud or not. Finally, something that he was better than her at doing. Of course, he would be an ace at it. He was the most emotionally dead person she had ever met, it was easy for him to compartmentalize his feelings and his thoughts. Not to mention his cruelty made it easier for him to gain access into her mind, as if he really wanted to know what she was thinking.

"Really, Granger. Can't you do better than this? I thought you were supposed to be the greatest witch of the age. You apparently have no skill in this category."

"We can't all be snakes like you, Malfoy. Not all of us are so eager to break down the minds of those around us."

"And apparently not all of us like our privacy either. You're literally throwing these memories at me. Stop feeling, stop thinking. Just get me out."

Draco lifted his wand once more and Hermione closed her eyes, already feeling like she was being violated when he hadn't even bothered with the spell yet.

"_Legilimens!"_ He shouted.

Once again the feeling of having someone roaming around in her thoughts was there, a crawling feeling deep within her skull. But soon she was lost in the various thoughts and memories that were coming up. Draco was picking and choosing which ones to pay mind to and he chose one that she would have rather he looked over.

Standing there was a group of girls, most of them sporting Slytherin robes with the green trim. They were all standing in front of Hermione like a sort of blockade so to keep her from moving on even as she bobbed and weaved trying to get through. At the front of the pack was eleven year old Pansy Parkinson, looking as much like a pug puppy as she ever had. Her unforgiving eyes were burning holes into Hermione, she could almost feel them so she squirmed even if she kept her head up high.

"Your kind shouldn't even be here. Taking up precious space and time that _real _witches deserve. You're not a real witch."

"I am a real witch! You're all gits!"

"Rather a git, than a mudblood bitch," Pansy said with a grin.

Hermione looked absolutely heartbroken and without another word she pushed through the crowd of cackling Slytherin girls. Running until she wasn't sure where in the castle she was and soon found the lavatory. She locked herself in one of the stalls, let her face fall into her hands as she began sobbing her eyes out. She had just had her twelfth birthday and though Hogwarts felt like the place she was meant to be she still hadn't made any friends yet. So she sat there and cried, no one bothering to look for her because apparently no one had noticed she wasn't around.

The memory was painful, so much so that she felt like there was coiled razor wire trying to slice through the inside of her skull. She wanted to force him out, but it hurt too badly and out of instinct she raised her wand. Though before she could say anything Draco pulled out of her head and in that instant she felt faint.

Hermione teetered for a moment before falling over, expecting to hit the floor but instead she fell onto something a bit softer thought not by much. The room was spinning and her surroundings were blurred, she was sweating and she could feel it. Not only that but she could feel hot tears rolling down her cheeks and once again it proved that memory was probably one of her worst. One of the few that could constantly bring her to tears.

Finally the tears stopped and her vision cleared up enough that she could tell that she was in Draco's arms. Without warning she pulled away and slapped hard across the face. The stunned look on his face didn't stop her from going for round number two and she once again slapped him. His left cheek was red, her hand imprinted on his pale skin but his gray eyes that had been wide in surprise the first time he was hit were now narrowed into tiny slits.

"How dare you!" Hermione shouted at him.

Draco had been in the middle of touching his cheek gingerly when he cocked his head back in surprise.

"How dare I what? I didn't do anything wrong! If you would just bloody listen to me it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have seen you be weak like always."

Hermione was not one to really get physical with anyone when she was mad unless your name was Ronald Weasley, but Draco had a special talent for getting her so riled up she wanted to hit him. This was the reason why, he knew just what to say to make it feel like a erumpet horn in the gut. So he once again brought out her violent side and she tried to smack him for a third time. Imagine her surprise when he caught her wrist, keeping her hand a mere couple of inches from his already red cheek.

"What the hell is your problem, woman? Stop hitting me!"

"You're a foul, demented person, Draco Malfoy. How dare you go into my mind like that. How dare you put all that I've got on display for your sick pleasure."

"You think I want to see you like that?"

"Of course you do! You constantly try to break me and have me like that yourself. Tears and broken hearted."

"I could never break your heart, Granger."

"Yes, you could. Just not anymore, I'm not so weak and fragile."

"No, I couldn't! How can I break what has never been given to me? I can break your pride, your self worth…but never your heart. That's Weasle-bees job and I'm sure he'll do a grand job of it."

"Don't you dare bring Ron into this," Hermione warned as she pulled her hand away from his grip and pointed her finger at him. "Don't you dare."

"Why not? It's no bloody secret that you're in love with him. I don't have to read your mind to know that."

"Shut up!"

"Why? You don't like the truth? Are you ashamed of liking a filthy blood traitor like Weasley?"

"Oh? You think he's filthy? Would it be better to like a heartless twat like you?"

"Yes because at least then a twat like me could actually take care of you. You wouldn't have to worry about getting food on the table or how you're going to afford what you need."

"Loving someone isn't always about money, Draco! It's not always about how _easy_ being with them will be! It's about accepting the challenges loving them brings, it means being willing to take them head on. You don't run from love because it's hard, you fight for it because it's worth it!"

"Don't you think I know that? You think liking you is easy? You think being in love with a loudmouth, headstrong…mudblood is easy? It's not. You never listen, you always assume you know everything! You can't even let me help you learn this one thing! And yet I still love you," Draco laughed hollowly, nearly pulling his hair out at this point though he kept his gray eyes on her brown ones. "I still get the bloody butterflies in my stomach when I look at you, I still feel like I could be a better man when I'm with you. You say I'm insufferable? Obviously, you don't have to deal with someone just like you. Obviously, the one you love loves you back."

Hermione was stunned, her mouth falling open and she could only find one word to say. "Draco."

"Forget it, Granger. You'll never understand, you'll never actually know. Just fucking forget it."

Draco threw his hands into the air, pocketed his wand soon after and gathered up his bag before heading for the exit. Leaving Hermione in her spot, she was afraid to move because she was sure that the world was going to fall apart beneath her feet. The boy that had made her life a living hell for so many years had just professed his love for her and the truth was her heart was singing. It was floating and aching at the same time. It yearned to go after his, it yearned to be near him. She hadn't noticed it before and she certainly didn't want to notice it now.

When reality came back to her, she put her hand to her forehead and all was forgotten when it came to the headache. All she could think about now were his words, the way he phrased them and the desperation in his voice. Draco was a lot of things, but there was no way he was that good of an actor. She sincerely doubted he could fake sincerity while looking her straight in the eye like he had been.

Finally, she dropped her hand and just sighed softly looking around the empty classroom before shaking her head and grabbing her things. She left the room with those words still weighing heavy on her mind.

* * *

A week had passed and it felt like ages. Hermione found herself constantly glancing over to where Draco was sitting or standing only to find him not paying her mind. Had she imagined it all? Or had he said it just to get her riled up? The latter was working in spades because she had been on edge for a while. Harry and Ron even noticed, that's why they weren't bothering her today. They were actually doing their own homework and not bothering to ask her to correct it, which of course meant poor grades for them but the poor grades were better than having Hermione yell at them.

Sunday night did not give way to many people being out and about because it was almost Monday, so everyone was regrettably snuggled up in their beds catching up on their sleep. Not Hermione though, she was busy walking the corridors trying to find something to get her mind off the series of thoughts that kept sloshing around in her head. It wasn't healthy for anyone to think about Draco Malfoy so much not even if your name was Pansy Parkinson.

Hermione was about to turn down a corridor when she heard people talking and instead slowed to a stop. Peeking her head around the corner, she saw Draco talking to Crabbe and Goyle.

"Go back to the commons," he said with a sneer as he opened the door they were stopped in front of and shut it behind him.

The two boys looked at each other for a moment before Crabbe rolled his eyes and headed away from the door. Goyle stood there perplexed for a moment before following after his fellow lackey. Hermione waited a good five minutes then looked up and down the corridor to make sure that no one else was around before she made a beeline for the door Draco had disappeared behind.

For a moment she stood before it with her hand on the knob, trying to decide whether she should follow him or just leave well enough alone. Don't tickle a sleeping dragon, isn't that the phrase? She was never one to take things like that seriously, plus Draco was far from a sleeping dragon. His roar was worse than his claws, or so she hoped.

The door creaked gently when she pulled it open, her head peering in before she stepped into the dimly lit room fully. Letting the door close gently behind her, Hermione remained in the entranceway not wanting to go too far in just in case. Her heart was thudding heavily in her ears to the point that all she could hear was that steady drumming. It took her a moment to gather up enough courage to enter the room the rest of the way.

What she saw was the last thing she had been expecting. It was a lounge of sorts with a few soft looking seats and pillows strewn all over the stone floor while carpets and rugs seemed to cover every bare spot. Candles flickered on almost every table in the room, one sitting tall next to the magically charmed radio that had a song by The Weird Sisters playing on it. The ceiling was high and there were two windows along the far wall that were currently closed with dingy glass not really letting in any light from the half-moon outside.

Hermione stood just inside the room for a long moment, taking in her surroundings without ever actually seeing Draco. It wasn't till she heard the shuffle of his boot over a bit of carpeting did she actually turn her attentions toward him. She had expected him to be angry, annoyed even, but what she hadn't expected was for him to have his wand pointed at her.

"Following me now, Granger? I knew you were low but I didn't think you'd stoop to stalking. I figured you'd stick to just staring like an idiot."

"I'm not stalking you, I just saw you come in here and wanted to talk," Hermione insisted.

"Shall i inform you of what the definition of stalking is?"

"I know what it is! But I didn't stalk you, I caught you talking to Crabbe and Goyle then saw you come in here. I just want to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about, so you can leave."

"Draco, I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry."

"Spare me your babble, Granger. I've got better things to do."

"What do I have to do to prove that I'm sorry?"

"What are you sorry for exactly? Being an insufferable know-it-tall or attacking me?"

"I didn't attack you!"

"This is some apology."

She huffed, eyes snapping shut as she tried to gather herself up and force herself to act civil with him. That was proving to be difficult because all she could seem to think about when she closed her eyes was the look on his face when he admitted his feelings for her which was enough to get her to blush. Draco quirked his brow at her in confusion before rolling his eyes and going to push passed her.

"Draco, wait!" She called to him, reaching for his arm only to have him yank it away.

"What the hell for? So you can stand there and make a bigger fool of yourself? You better watch it, Granger, or soon you'll not have a redeeming quality left."

"You're one to talk when it comes to a lack of redeeming qualities," she snapped before she could help it then groaned. "You say you like me, you say you _love_ me and yet you treat me like dirt. You may not like some of the things about me, Draco Malfoy. But that doesn't give you a right to get hot and cold with me whenever you feel the need."

"I don't need a _right_ to do as I please with my own emotions, Granger," Draco said with a sneer as he made to turn his back on her and once again try to leave.

"Listen here, Malfoy. You said all you had to say the other day and now you'll stand there and take what I have to say. Or so help me, I'll stun you."

It wasn't like Hermione to threaten someone to get what she wanted, but at this moment of desperation she very well may follow through with it. Though Draco hardly believed she had the gull to do it he did actually stop and turn to look at her, his arms crossed over his narrow chest as he eyed her.

"Well, go on. I've got more important things to do then to stand here and be threatened. The sooner you finish the better."

Hermione pursed her lips together as she tried to put all her thoughts in a single, coherent line instead of the jumbled mess they seemed to be as of late.

"Alright," she cleared her throat. "I know you said that you had feelings for me, but I don't believe you. I mean how could I? After everything you'd done to me, everything you've put me through. You made me cry just the same as Pansy had in that memory. You have succeeded in breaking my self worth and confidence time and time again. Yet you stood there and told me that you liked me, that you _loved _me. I know love is about accepting the bad of the person you love no matter how bad it may be. But abuse is not part of love, it's not something that acceptable and forgivable just because you love someone…"

Draco was looking more and more disturbed as the time went on, as if he wanted nothing more than to step out of the room right then. But he bucked up, his head tilting up and his nose going in the air as he forced himself to listen as Hermione went on.

"And trust, I tried. Over and over again to think that maybe you'd get better, Draco. I thought perhaps you'd grow out of it, but you only got worse. I couldn't continue to garner feelings for you when all you seemed to want to do is bring down and hurt me. It's not healthy to like someone, _love_ someone that only hurts you."

"You don't love me."

"I wish that were true. I tried to convince myself that I was over it, it was a stupid little girl crush. But…since you said all those things I can't get you out of my head. These butterflies won't go away and I literally feel nauseous at the idea that I love you still. That after all you've done to me I could still love you."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that the idea of loving me makes you physically sick when you're all too happy to love Weasley? You're off your rocker, Granger."

"I'm just being honest, I don't want to love you anymore than you want to love me, Draco. I don't want to feel this way about you, but I do."

"I don't believe you any more than you believe me."

"You can find out, you can be sure of my sincerity."

"You can't be serious."

"Go on. If you really want to know, then do it."

Draco was sizing her up to see if her offer to allow him access to her mind this time without her fighting was actually an honest one. By the look in her dark eyes it was, she wasn't going to just back down from this and let him take away from it what he could. No, she wanted him to know that he wasn't alone and like numerous times before Hermione made Draco feel like perhaps he wasn't.

Once again, Draco pulled out his Hawthorne wand and pointed at Hermione only to give it a bit of a jab.

"_Legilimens!_" He shouted and before long the two of them were being taken on a trip down memory lane. Literally.

They were coming in snippets at first, random memories of Hermione looking at Draco and looking away whenever he turned in her direction. There was a redness in her cheeks that he was sure he'd only ever put there when he got her angry, but now he could tell that he actually did make her feel something other than anger and shame. From the time she was eleven till she was thirteen she had held a small torch of affection from him, but time and time again in each memory Draco did something to nearly snuff it out.

The memories weren't so successive now, in fact they seemed to be further and further apart in terms of time. Hermione was learning not to stare at him for too long, not to bother thinking about him anymore. A couple of those memories were merely ones of her reminding herself that Draco was not someone that would ever feel anything for her. Not someone that could feel anything at all but self love and hatred. Those memories made his chest tighten, his heart ached and he wanted to pull out of her mind before she revealed more of her disdain for him.

But Hermione was not going to let that happen, she could feel the connection wavering as he was ready to break it. So she pushed the memories forward and it was like an avalanche of reeling memories before one settled over the rest.

Two days ago Hermione had been sitting at the top of the astronomy tower with her back against the stonewall. Staring up at the stars, she traced her finger over the grouping of stars that made up the Draco constellation and sighed to herself. Knees pulled up to her chest slowly as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear, eyes falling away from the sky and she stared at the stone ledge before her.

"I don't understand you," Hermione said to herself. "You're the biggest git in the world and yet I'm here thinking about you. I'm avoiding my friends because of you. Why did you say that? Why? I don't want to love you, I don't even want to like you."

Just then she looked back up to the stars and once again she traced her fingers over the Draco constellation before sighing softly. Nearly jumping out of her skin when something brushed against her arm, but it was only Crookshanks. He always seemed to sense her discontent and brushed against her, she sat Indian style and placed him on her lap while stroking along his spine slowly.

"I don't know what to do, Crookshanks. I want to just forget about it, but then I think about how he looked at me and I can't. I saw his sincerity, I felt it in my bones. It's hard to call him a liar when I am sure for the first time since I've known him Malfoy was actually being honest. What do I do? I still have feelings for him. I still…"

Hermione found herself fumbling on that word that was on the tip of her tongue, Crookshanks was looking up at her with his large eyes just waiting for her to admit it aloud.

"I think I'm still in love with him."

The memory ended right then and the spell wore off, Draco was left standing with his eyes wide and staring at Hermione. But she wasn't looking at him, she was looking at the floor feeling thoroughly exposed despite the fact that she asked him to do it. Those thoughts, those memories were ones she didn't even share with Harry or Ron, not with Ginny or Luna. No one, but her cat. Now Draco knew the truth of her feelings for him, they were a long time coming and newly revived.

Silence passed between them, it was weighed down by so many things that hadn't been said and yet neither of them dared to break it just yet. Finally, Hermione sighed softly and looked up into gray eyes.

"So now you know how I feel, that I'm not lying. But…how will I know you're not? That this isn't just some cruel joke of yours? How do I know that you're not trying to truly break me down this time?"

Draco moved closer to her slowly, reaching around her back to grab her wand from her back pocket. He took her hand and placed her wand on the palm of it before forcing it into a fist around it. Their eyes met and Hermione was almost caught off guard by the sudden vulnerability behind usually stone cold gray eyes.

"Use it. See for yourself, I'll let you in."

He released her hand and took a step back so to give them room to move, he slipped his wand into his back pocket. Eyes closed for a moment as he took a few breaths, Draco knew that he was one hard person to read because of the many walls he'd built but he was determined to put them down. If for no other reason than to prove that he wasn't a liar, to prove to Hermione that he did have heart and it was capable of loving her.

"Go ahead, I'm ready," Draco said gently before offering her the first smile that she knew was directed solely to her, it gave her butterflies.

"_Legilimens!_"

For a moment nothing happened, Draco had one too many walls up as he compartmentalized everything he felt or thought. But just as soon as she was sure it wouldn't work she was dragged down into his mind. The memory that she entered was not at all what she had expected, in fact it was the last thing she would have ever expected.

Draco was sitting on his overly plush bed leaning against the headboard and looking out the double doors that led out onto the terrace outside of his bedroom. The doors were open, letting in a cool breeze that swept over his face as he let out a sigh and dipped his head back for a moment. There was a look of confusion on his face, before he reached under his mattress and pulled out a single picture.

He stared down at it, it was torn in half and tattered from being held so many times that even the magic that made the picture move seemed to be fading away. The girl in the picture was only thirteen or so and she was laughing slowly, the fading charm keeping her from moving at normal speed. Her eyes lit up with mirth and her face looked radiant in her happiness. Bushy hair was kept back as she tucked some strands behind her ear before once again starting to laugh happily.

It was a picture of Hermione from their second year and it had once been a picture of her, Ron and Harry but once Draco had it developed he tore the other two out of it. In truth, it wasn't his picture, he had stolen the film roll from Colin Creevey's camera and had the pictures developed. There were a lot of pictures of Harry, but there was the one of the trio that Draco had been hoping for.

She continued to smile and laugh, which eventually put a smile on his face and he sighed softly. Shaking his head he chuckled to himself and placed the tattered little picture in the breast pocket on the inside lining of his robes. Pressing it against his chest, he held it there for a few heartbeats and stood up to leave his room so the dream started to fade away.

Everything fell back into place, reality was cemented under her feet and Hermione took a deep breath before looking up at Draco. He was almost doubled over, it was not a pleasant feeling having someone in your head. He had practice so hard for so long to make sure it could never happen to him and though he knew it would be the only way to convince Hermione of his honesty it still didn't feel nice. It was different to actually be aware of the fact that someone was in your head and to have every bit of your mind fighting it than to have them do it without your knowledge.

Hermione went over to him quietly and slowly lifted him upright once more. His gray eyes found her brown ones for a spare moment before she moved onto the tips of her toes to press a delicate kiss to his lips. It had just been an experimentation of sorts, she just wanted to know how his lips felt and if he would pull away but he didn't. Instead, Draco cupped her face in both of his hands and pulled her forward for another much more passionate kiss.

Color flooded to her face, dusting her cheeks with pink as she kissed him back and worked her lips against his own. Her hands holding to the front of his shirt before he slowly pulled back and swiped his thumbs gently over her blushing cheeks. The sight of her blushing face made him chuckle gently and she couldn't help but laugh as well, turning her face away from his but he made sure to keep her in place.

"Do you believe me now?" He asked with a soft smile that was unquestionably sincere.

"You haven't proven yourself yet," Hermione responded with a soft smile of her own.

"What will it take for me to prove myself then?"

"Another kiss."

Draco laughed softly before chuckling, moving in so that his lips were a mere couple of centimeters from her own. "You're insatiable, you know that?"

"You love me."

They smiled once more before once again their lips pressed together in a kiss filled with adoration and longing. Six years of a secret love moving between dueling lips and humming between twin beating hearts.


End file.
